2 Texans Down Under

I think I’ve just been saved from a life of crime.

Maybe I would have or maybe I wouldn’t have, but I was considering smuggling Vegemite into the United States when my wife and I fly there next month. I was already dreading going through Customs in San Francisco.

The need for authentic Aussie Christmas gifts was behind my wild and reckless plans. The last time we went home, we took small samples of Tim Tams, an iconic Australian cookie … woops, I mean biscuit. I didn’t want to Tim Tam twice, so I eyed the Vegemite display in our local Coles supermarket.

I’ve discovered a real taste for the brown, salty, yeast-based spread that so many down under folks view as a brekkie (breakfast) staple and snack food. It took me two years to give it a fair go, but now I agree that, on buttered toast, it’s really good.

About a year ago, we read lots of stories about a ban on Vegemite in the US because of its foliate content. Aussies and New Zealanders (Kiwis) were having their life-supporting jars taken away by Customs agents, we read, and there was a lot of gnashing of teeth among expatriates living in America.

Fearing condiment confiscation or worse if I proceeded with my scheme, I sent a message to a Yahoo Group for expats, ozinamerica, to inquire about current experiences of sneaking the stuff in, knowing that addictions drive people to push the limits of the law.

Surprise! The story about a ban on Vegemite was a hoax, several people replied. A hoax? Yes. I also went to snopes.com and verified that the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) never cracked down on importations of Vegemite for personal use.

Somebody got it wrong and the story circled the globe causing unnecessary Aussie anguish everywhere. Adding folate to food is allowed in the US only in bread and cereals (don’t ask me why) but one can argue that folate is inherent in Vegemite, not added, and, anyway, the feds don’t care about my Christmas gift plans.

It appears the myth has had one continuing evil consequence, though. Kraft has stopped shipping Vegemite to retailers, pending an FDA ruling, which means addicted individuals have to pack in their own or order it on line.

What a relief. Now I can present my luggage for inspection with a clear conscience. One Aussie in America said bottles of Bunderburg rum would be better gifts, but he obviously doesn’t understand the limits of my generosity.

I’m cheap, maybe even stingy, but I guess I’ll never make it as a criminal. — Bob